Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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