Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
