Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
