Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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