well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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