there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
