I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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