i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize