whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
