You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
