I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
