So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
