just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
