I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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