everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
did you just send me my own nude
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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