she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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