hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
