Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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