oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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