Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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