meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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