Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
