The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
