Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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