She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
