If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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