How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Randomize