everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
