i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
