once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
