doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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