I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize