I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
