Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
