we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
