A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize