ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
