I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
