2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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