We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize