For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
