You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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