If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
