the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
