I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
