omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
