have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
