I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
