how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
