bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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