he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
