I'm gonna have a badass scar
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize