I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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