Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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