Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
did you just send me my own nude
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