I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
