god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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