I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
