My first STD was from a foam party
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
