we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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