I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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