Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
