She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
