No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize