wat bout pragnant strippers??
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
