Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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