What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
