I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
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