we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
